And I forgive you.
“Forgive
and forget.” I hate this line, much more than I’ve ever hated any single person
in my life. This line is so stupid and pointless and it makes no sense. Why
would you forgive someone that doesn’t deserve it? Why would you forget that
something hurt you? Everyone always tells me, “Katie, you’ve got to learn to
let things go.” No. I do not. Because I am a human being. I hold grudges. I
hate people. I’ve made my own mistakes. And I’ve realized that you sometimes
need to forgive. But you never forget. If something or someone has hurt you,
you remember it. And you don’t allow yourself to get hurt again just because
you forgave. So this is me forgiving you.
Here’s
the kicker: you never fucking apologized. You walked all over me for nearly
three years and I can’t let this current hatred for you ruin the rest of my
life. The only way I can move on and be truly happy with him is if I forgive
you for everything you put me through.
These last years with you in my
life have been a rollercoaster. Sometimes we’d be at an all-time high, and
other times we reached a new low. It was an emotional mess. I was an emotional
mess. I lost myself while searching for you and I’m not okay with that anymore.
I’m ready to finally let go of you forever, and the only way I can do that is
by forgiving you.
I
forgive you for every night spent crying my eyes out because you chose her
again. I forgive you for the sleepless nights that have haunted me for the last
month. I forgive you for ignoring me for so long that you made me realize that
I’m so tired of depending on you. I’ve spent the last three years being almost
dependent on having you in my life. I had it set in my mind that you were the
one person that knew the exact words to say to me when I had a bad night. I was
so set on the idea that I needed you to make it through the worst days that I
never realized that I made it through the worst days without you. And my worst
days were because of you.
And I’m
honestly glad that I’ve realized this because I have a great guy that is
actually there for me when I need him and I neglected him because of you. He
makes me happy all the time, not just whenever he feels like it. He’s the one I
want to spend the rest of my life with and by letting you go from my mind, I
can finally put my everything into him.
So I forgive
you for everything you put me through, because you helped me reach this point
all on my own. I hope your life is filled with wonderful and amazing moments
and I hope that one day I can look back on these years and remember you with a
smile on my face. I can never forget what you put me through, but I do forgive
you.
And
most importantly, I forgive myself for what I put me through.
