And I forgive you.

And I forgive you.

                “Forgive and forget.” I hate this line, much more than I’ve ever hated any single person in my life. This line is so stupid and pointless and it makes no sense. Why would you forgive someone that doesn’t deserve it? Why would you forget that something hurt you? Everyone always tells me, “Katie, you’ve got to learn to let things go.” No. I do not. Because I am a human being. I hold grudges. I hate people. I’ve made my own mistakes. And I’ve realized that you sometimes need to forgive. But you never forget. If something or someone has hurt you, you remember it. And you don’t allow yourself to get hurt again just because you forgave. So this is me forgiving you.

                Here’s the kicker: you never fucking apologized. You walked all over me for nearly three years and I can’t let this current hatred for you ruin the rest of my life. The only way I can move on and be truly happy with him is if I forgive you for everything you put me through. 

These last years with you in my life have been a rollercoaster. Sometimes we’d be at an all-time high, and other times we reached a new low. It was an emotional mess. I was an emotional mess. I lost myself while searching for you and I’m not okay with that anymore. I’m ready to finally let go of you forever, and the only way I can do that is by forgiving you.

                I forgive you for every night spent crying my eyes out because you chose her again. I forgive you for the sleepless nights that have haunted me for the last month. I forgive you for ignoring me for so long that you made me realize that I’m so tired of depending on you. I’ve spent the last three years being almost dependent on having you in my life. I had it set in my mind that you were the one person that knew the exact words to say to me when I had a bad night. I was so set on the idea that I needed you to make it through the worst days that I never realized that I made it through the worst days without you. And my worst days were because of you.

                And I’m honestly glad that I’ve realized this because I have a great guy that is actually there for me when I need him and I neglected him because of you. He makes me happy all the time, not just whenever he feels like it. He’s the one I want to spend the rest of my life with and by letting you go from my mind, I can finally put my everything into him.

                So I forgive you for everything you put me through, because you helped me reach this point all on my own. I hope your life is filled with wonderful and amazing moments and I hope that one day I can look back on these years and remember you with a smile on my face. I can never forget what you put me through, but I do forgive you.

                And most importantly, I forgive myself for what I put me through.